Fiery Heart - short story
emilyjanee

Hi, English Gothic Short Story. hahaa.

You watched as the flames lick the wood as the fire place burns. Each plank of wood is engulfed in a beautiful array of orange and blue. Such vibrant colours that make the planks crumble under the heat, leaving coal scratches upon its exterior. You want to touch it, see what it feels like, but something at the back of your mind is telling you “no”. But what do you do? You still touch it. You feel the screaming pain in your hand. You realize you should not touch fire ever again.

I do not fear fire. It does not hurt me. But that doesn’t mean I can’t play with it, right? I find fire the most fascinating thing in the world. The way the flames cast shadows upon the walls, the way they dance across the logs, seeming so harmless; so careless. In an instant, the log could be consumed by its fiery breath. It’s funny how dangerous such innocence can be.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always found fire to be fun, exciting, borderline dangerous. I’ve never been threatened by the Beast of the flame. The tongue of the beast has licked my wrists, forever leaving me with the memory of the dangers of the heat. It was a simple slap on the wrist, so to speak. It was a warning from the heart of the flame, to be more aware about how close I am to the blaze.

You see, the Fire and me, we take care of each other. My parents have neglected me ever since I almost pushed daddy into the fire. I swore it was an accident. The Fire told me to do it though. The Beast sees the anger in daddy’s eyes when I light a candle. The Beast sees the fits of anger towards me whenever I sit in front of the fire place. The Beast sees the pain I go through when Daddy hits me for blaming it on the Beast. The Beast has been watching this for years.

I have never done anything wrong with the fire before. In fact, the fire has done far worse than I have. The Fire always listens to what I have to say. It doesn’t give me an answer, just jumps in the flame. I think that is all I need for an answer; just simple flickers of light in the dimly lit room. No need to have friends who will ignore me, or talk to ma or daddy who couldn’t care less about me; I have the flame. Even if the fire is put out, I just strike a match and re-create my greatest friend.

I trust the fiery swirls of orange and blue. They help me get through life, and help me stay happy. I have no need for what normal teenage girls have, with going out and going to concerts. I have the power of the flame. Right before I go to sleep, the Fire starts to sing its crackled tune. Usually, the Fire recites new music for my ears every night, depicting my mood.

But this night wasn’t like any usual night. Night after night, I told the Fire how much I hated how my father abuses me after a night out drinking with his pals. I loved him so much, yet he doesn’t seem to acknowledge the amount of pain he puts me through. Ma just sits and watches it happen, as if it’s okay. The Fire doesn’t seem to think so.

The Fire saw the black eye I had recently been given, as well as the sobs wracking my chest, and cracked in a fit of anger.

“It’s okay, I’m alright. Just a simple bruise, that’s all,” I replied, soothing the Fire to the best of my abilities. “You know how Daddy is when he starts drinking. It’s a never ending sacrifice for me.”

The Fire snapped in return.

“I know how hard this is, dear Fire, but I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this,” I confided. The sobs wracked my body harder. “Daddy told me that if I don’t stop talking to you, I-I-I’d be in big, big trouble. Fire, I think he means that that he will kill. But I cannot leave you.”

The Fire sizzled in reply.

I didn’t want to leave Ma and Daddy, but I couldn’t leave the Fire. The fiery Beast was as much a part of me as my own conscience. Taking away the flame is like taking away my self. I would never be the same.

When my parents went out to dinner, I went into the forest to get some logs to feed the burning mass at my house; to feed my friend. As I was walking in the dense forest, I began to think about the act we were about to perform on my oblivious parents. Is this really worth it? I thought to myself. Would Fire be upset with me if I do not commit this terrible deed? Do I want to be left with no parents, even if the ones that I have right now hurt me so? I picked up a large log, and came to a conclusion with my mindless banter; my parents deserve to burn in hell.

When I arrived home, I noticed my parents were in their bed. “It’s time, Fire.”

I found daddy’s supposedly hidden alcohol in the kitchen, and started to drain the substance onto the floor. I watched as the fluid fell from the bottle, creating a vision of a waterfall of hurt. I started to move from one corner of the house, to the other, running out of the drink of Hell once I had gotten to the front hall.

“Fire, I hope to see you soon. I trust you not to hurt anyone else but those foolish people I used to call my parents.” I whispered. “I hope this is the right choice. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

I grabbed my matches from my pocket, struck the wood against the rough surface of the pack, and watched in awe as Fire took another form on such a small stick of wood. I revelled in hearing the beautiful orange take its place upon the floor, waiting for the rush of heat to come.

I stood for a few minutes, watching Fire lap up the alcohol, almost as if Fire is relinquishing in its very own drunken stupor. As soon as I turned around, I knew that Fire started to increase the speed of the burn, for the perspiration from the heat trailed down my back. I started to walk away from my friend, and followed the path that Fire had created back to the front door.

Once I had reached the door, I looked behind me, and saw the house engulf in orange and red; the horizon of fire, the art of Hell. I smiled, despite the screams of my parents. I ignored the pathetic calls of my name from my old family. They are going to a whole other place, where Fire will protect me from them.

As I walked away from the burning structure behind me, I pulled out my pack, struck the wood, and grinned at the flame atop of the match.

“Like I said, Fire, we are inseparable.”


Good Morning, Vietnam!
emilyjanee

 Hi!

I'm somewhat back from camp. Somewhat being I am about a two minute boat ride away from my camp, at my cottage. It's just great. 

Camp was fun, for the most part. I was sick from the first night on. Best way to go to camp, is sniffling every thirty seconds, hacking up a lung, and just dying in general. I got sick from being in the freezing cold in clothes drenched with paint, water, and some other things I really do not know. Now multiply that by 5 nights when the temperature is 2-4 degrees at night, and there you have it! The perfect recipe for sickness :) 

Many fun times for sure. There was a little cabin night, where each girl cabin was paired up with a guy cabin for an activity. So my cabin was paired up with a little grade 8 cabin, with a bunch of 14 year olds! We went on the zip-line,  and oh my, God it was so funny. These little boys were flirting with us like no tomorrow, and lying about their ages, saying they were 17 or 16, and we were all like really? Don't think that works with being in a bunch of 14 year olds' cabins, but nice try. I was paired up with the punk version of Harry Potter. SO funny.

Anyway, I'm more or less happy that camp is over. It always gets me ready for school, and is just a great way to end the summer.

Well, I am off to take some medicine, so I will be back in a few days. 

PEACE, BROSKI!
 


ch-ch-changes.
emilyjanee
So, I just discovered something quite tragic, yet  completely exciting. What is that, you may ask? Well, just a few seconds ago, I decided to do something I do every time I see a mirror; look in the mirror. No, I am not conceited. Neither am I looking for every single flaw in my face. Although, I do look for a few flaws... hey, I'm sixteen. I have permission to do it. In my mind at least..

ANYWAY, on with the story. I have lost my freckles! This is a huge shock for me, since I have always been the tall girl with a shit load of freckles polluting my face. I use pollute because it was like a damn land mine there. It was a disaster to cover up. Mwahaha. But I realized that the freckles were as much as a part of me, as my height. Without it, I wouldn’t be me. So, since I am freckle-less, I feel like crying. Because now I have lost a part of me. A part I was made fun of for years; a part that I was told that I was lucky to have freckles; a part of me, that completed who Emily Ois was. 

Now, even though I have lost my little bit of identity, doesn’t me I’m still me. It just means that I am growing up. I am shedding the – I don’t know, this will sound quite odd – “carcass” of the old Emily. I have already lost the mentally negative Emily… somewhat. 



K that was a lie. The old Emily is still here. I just try and shove her in a little closet in the furthest section of my mind… I know, I know. That is incredibly unhealthy and I should forget about it. Yea, that would be entirely perfect. I’ll put that on my to do list, RIGHT underneath having my own pet unicorn named Frankfurt, and above growing wings. Like really? It won’t really happen. That Emily, the old me, will always be here. Sure, I’ll have my moments where I am happy. But will I ever be TRULY happy? I mean, I have been bullied all of my life. Do you really think that I can get rid of such horrid memories in a matter of three years? Hell no! it will take so much longer. 
Ohhh, how I hate being a teenager. I just wish that this negativity streak will vanquish by the end of the summer. But will it actually?
Probably not.

“there goes my hero, watch him as he goes…” 

yyyyyyyyyyo.
emilyjanee
Alright, so I am currently in Calgary, and do not have the best access to a computer. As you all know, I must have a computer to, well, post a journal.

So for the next few days, or more like a week, i won't be able to do shit on on here, which also means that I can't post any comments on any stories. which stories? All of the stories at plagiarism_haven. I also haven't been able to even read them, which completely SUCKS.

Anyway, I have to go, but i will end up commenting after the 9th of August.

PEACE OUT MY FRIENDS.
PEAAACEEE. OUUTTTT.

Study, study, study, PROCRASTINATE!
emilyjanee
So, it's officially summer today. Therefore, it is officially awesome time. Therefore, I should not feel like shit on the first day of summer, right? Yea, if only life worked out that way. My brother got kicked out last night, then came back later on that night because I called him on the phone, basically balling my eyes out asking him to come back. Then, I got sick. Pretty sure it was from being in the sun for a little bit too long. My bad. So, here I am, soaking in Aloe-vera and solarcaine, wanting to die. Fantastic, right?

Well, I do have some positive news. School's out tomorrow. Pretty psyched for that. I really can't take education well anymore. Nothing excites me. Especially at this time of year. I'm just ready to get out of this place! I really should be studying, but I am too lazy. I'll do it in a minute:) Just have to do some science, basically bomb the damn test, and I'm out drinking with my girls! Bonfire, anyone?

Only 27 days, and I'm out of this foolish, yet incredibly boring province. Calgary is going to be fantastic, and a complete new experience. New people, new friends, possibly new boy? ;) Even if it is for 3 weeks.. oh well!

Aaaah, time to hit those God-forsaken books. Yay science... :(

Peace, out my friends.

Emilyjanee. 



Damn you, education.
emilyjanee
So, I officially hate my cell phone provider - telus. As of right now, I am currently living with NO CELLULAR DEVICE. Heart breaking, really. They decided to be foolish and not send us my cell phone bill, but the rest of my families came in... Hmm, i feel special. So here I am, cell-phone-less, and in desperate need to text my friends to vent. But, since I can't, I shall vent on here!:) I really hate school. Mainly two of my teachers. My philosophy teacher has to be the biggest idiot who has ever walked the planet. for the past week, i have had to bring my laptop to school, to do a presentation. I was suppose to do it on Friday, and she said it was the official date, and did we? NO. so now, I have to bring it ONCE AGAIN to school, risk getting it stolen again, just to do a fucking 5 minute presentation. No joke, if I don't present on Tuesday, I may just have to throw a fit Now, my other teacher, my careers as a matter of fact, pisses me off. She calls me out for apparently having my phone out... when in reality, it's in my pocket, with many texts waiting to be answered. I am the oh so lucky one who has had the only detention in the ENTIRE class. The all get warnings, but do I? HA no. Plus, she called home and told my parents I am failing, with the projects I had told to her face I need help with. So ridiculously gay. Now, the only positive thing at the moment, is that summer is coming. I am gone for the majority of the summer. Working at Calgary for 3 weeks, cottage for a week, Muskoka Woods for another week, and then I get to go to Warped Tour, and see the most amazing bands ever play. Only about a week and a half until freedom Plus, this summer, I have made the decision to change. Now what shall I change? Well, I am not 100% sure yet. lmao. All I know is that I am becoming more feminine, and perhaps my personality. We'll have to wait and see! Peace out! emilyjanee <3

who'd a thunk.
emilyjanee
Live life the way you want.
Who really cares about where your parents want you to go.
Who really cares about where your friends are saying you should go.
It's your life.
If you let other people live it, then you'll be missing out on all of the excitement of making your own choices.
If you want to go into ecology, then go for it.
If you want to drink, then go to the store and get some alcohol.

Why should we let people control OUR lives?
The more and more we continue to let others lead it, the greater the chances are of being confused and alone in the future.
So my advice?

Ignore them.
If they want you to go into science, give them a high five and say NO
it's your decision if you want make the choices you want.
don't lose that opportunity.


well, that was a pathetic lil drabble.
but hey, it's my first one.
i'll get better at some point!
:D
EmilyJanee <3
 



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